The Emotionally Destructive Relationship by Leslie Vernick

Author:Leslie Vernick
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers, Inc.
Published: 2010-11-26T16:00:00+00:00

God’s Word gives specific instructions to those in authority on how to handle that responsibility. Throughout the Old Testament, God often rebuked the leaders of Israel for their self-centered, deceitful, and abusive shepherding of God’s flock. (See, for example, Deuteronomy 13; Jeremiah 23:1-4; Ezekiel 34:2-4.)

Parents have authority over their children, but, fathers (and mothers by implication) are warned by Paul not to misuse that authority by provoking their children or exasperating them. Paul says the hearts of mistreated children will be tempted with anger, discouragement, and bitterness (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). In other words, parents don’t have the right to mistreat, demean, or micromanage their children under the guise of biblical discipline.

Biblically, God put husbands as the head over their wives (Ephesians 5:23), but that does not put wives at the feet of their husbands. Women and wives are depicted in the Gospel as equal partners and persons to love, not objects to use or property to own. Biblical headship is modeled by Christ’s gentle leadership and loving self-sacrifice. Husbands are cautioned not to be harsh with their wives and not to mistreat them, or their prayers will be hindered (Colossians 3:19; 1 Peter 3:7). No leader is entitled to make selfish demands, order people around, or hurt them when they fail.

Submission is a discipline of the heart for all believers to practice, not just wives or women. All Christians are called to submit to authority (1 Peter 2:13), to one another (Ephesians 5:21), and to God (James 4:7). But don’t misunderstand what submission is and what it is not. In the Greek, the word submission (hupo-tassõ) describes a voluntary action or attitude. Biblical submission cannot be forced. It is a position we take when we are motivated by our love for Christ and our desire to please and obey him. Although God commands us to submit to him, obey him, and love him, he never forces anyone to comply with his commands. He gives us a free choice, including freedom to choose badly (like Adam and Eve did).

When a husband bullies his wife, his behavior does not describe biblical headship, nor is her forced “submission” characteristic of biblical submission.4 The correct terms are coercion, manipulation, intimidation, or rape—and she is the victim. Let’s make sure we use the right words.

I am amazed by those instances when a man who believes strongly in forcible submission is confronted with his own sin but is unwilling to submit himself to anyone else’s authority for help and accountability, including his own pastor. Such a man is not open to correction, challenge, or change because he is always right. He manipulates the Scriptures to serve his purposes.

Jesus cautions those in positions of authority—parents, husbands, pastors, and elders—not to misuse those God-ordained positions for self-centered purposes. These roles are given to us by God to humbly serve the individuals or groups that have been entrusted to our care, not to have our egos stroked or to get our own way (Mark 10:42-45).

Sadly, some husbands have

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